Invincible
by FlameImmortal
Summary: Summary : A quick little excursion into the mind of Jesse James. Set after Jim's death before Jesse announces he's leaving the gang. R


Disclaimer : I don't own 'em, but if anybody knows where I can get my own Colin Farrell, please do share!  
  
Author's Notes : This is my little contribution to the American Outlaws section on fanfiction.net:) I hope that whoever reads this likes it. Feedback is great though, so don't forget to read and review! This is my first American Outlaws fanfic, so be gentle. I tried to keep the grammar, etc. well done, but I'm definitely a far cry from perfect, so I'll apologize in advance for any typographical errors from here on out.  
  
Dedication : R.Z.L.  
  
Summary : A quick little excursion into the ever-contemplating mind of Jesse Woodson James. Set after Jim's death before Jesse announces he's leaving the gang.  
  
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TITLE : INVINCIBLE  
  
AUTHOR : FLAMEIMMORTAL  
  
RATING : PG  
  
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What the hell was I thinkin'?  
  
A war against the railroad. . .  
  
I shoulda listened to Frank from the very beginning. He always was the smart one in the family.  
  
But damnit, I knew it. . . I knew Hyperion was bad news. All right there in the paper. Son of a bitch.  
  
This is like a bad dream. We finally got back from the war, and here we are right back in the middle of the action. Ma's dead. Jim's dead. And I'm sitting here with his blood splattered against my hands, a reminder of what I've started.  
  
I tried to tell Cole we shouldn't hit this bank. I had a feeling and I let it go. . . But I didn't stop it. Hell, I never shoulda started it. The war killed too many liberty boys all by itself.  
  
There've been too many casualties.  
  
Casualties. Ha. That's what they called 'em during the war. This ain't a war. . . It's a god-forsaken bunch of farm boys chasin' after I don't know what.  
  
Revenge? Maybe, I don't know anymore. Maybe it started that way.  
  
When we came home, I thought we could all get back to our lives. That we could leave the war behind. Things just didn't work out that way, I guess.  
  
The damned railroad. If they had just stayed out of our lives, maybe we wouldn't be here. Then after they'd tried to hang Cole. . . what were we supposed to do? Sit there?  
  
I remember waking up after that day. Layin' up in Doc Mimms place, couldn't half feel my shoulder at all. Zee sittin' a chair by the bed, her long hair tousled, head lolled onto one side as she slept. God she was beautiful then. . . My Zee.  
  
I even left her behind for this. And she tried to tell me then, too. Don't go, she'd said. My justice or God's. . . Old Thaddeus needed somebody to teach him about justice. Just maybe we should have left it to God.  
  
I don't know what Zee's thinkin', but I hope she knows how much I love her. I haven't stopped thinkin' about her since the day we come back to Liberty. What can I say to her when I get back? If I get back. . . Now seems like that dream's getting' farther and farther away.  
  
Whose next? Me, Frank, Cole? Bob? There's a whole room full 'a Pinkerton's just itchin' to get a shot off at one of us. I can't watch anybody else die. I can't do this to Zee anymore. Hell, she might not have me back after all this.  
  
And I know damn well that Cole won't have nothin' to do with me if I back outta this. He can take care of them, they don't me to lead 'em. I think he'd pretty much decided that well before today. Cole can have it.  
  
I know Frank'll come with me, don't matter if I ask or not. Family's family. We ain't got nothing now that Ma's gone. I just hope I still got Zee back home. I got no right to make her wait.  
  
I wonder if she's got any 'a of the letters I sent. I can picture her face, that wonderful smile. Hair blowing all over the place in the wind. I don't deserve her. But I love her.  
  
Lord forgive me for everything. I just can't do this any more. I know how this'll end, no matter what we do. We'll always be outnumbered. There're an infinite amount of them and only a handful 'a us. We can fight all our lives and we'll never win.  
  
But we made 'em think. And that's worth something, right?  
  
I keep seein' Jim in my head. That last moment that he looked up at the sky. 'I was famous, ya know.'  
  
Yeah, Jim. You were famous.  
  
Famous don't make you immortal. I wish to God it could've though.  
  
None of us are invincible. But somehow I don't think they're gonna see it like I am right now. Cole ain't never been one for cool headed actions. And hell, I ain't one to talk about thinkin' things out, but this time I got to. I don't know if they'll understand that, and I won't stop them from keepin' on. But I gotta get back home. I can't do this no more.  
  
The most famous outlaws in the west. We didn't start off lookin' for fame. I just wanted to make the Pinkertons pay. I wanted to stop the railroad from robbing good folks without nowhere else to go. But look at me now. Look at all of us.  
  
No, we ain't invincible.  
  
But I got something back home to fight for. And I ain't gonna leave her behind any more.  
  
END.  
  
5/9/03  
  
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Author's Notes : I hope that you enjoyed the story:) Remember, review because I can't make things better if I don't know what's wrong with them.  
  
Read&Review  
  
Sincerely,  
  
-FlameImmortal-  
  
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